I Kill Mieles

As in Miele vacuum cleaners. Oh, and I’ve killed a Bosch top-of-the-range hepa vacuum too. Seriously. I’ve killed THREE vacuum cleaners in the past 18 months. Five in the past three years. Three of them were still under warranty and I was give a new one…and I killed those too. Miele should use me as a tester before they release their vacuum cleaners to the public.

Don’t get me wrong, they are great machines.  The Bosch was pretty fab too. It’s not them, it’s me. I’m terribly hard on them. I want a powerful suction that gets right into the corners and crevices. I’m obsessed with clean floors. I LOVE to vacuum. Sad, I know. It’s the one thing I believe makes a home look clean if you’re short on cleaning time and need the house to look good. I just want it to not overheat if I’m on a five-flights-of-stairs and ten rooms vacuuming high…

I love vacuuming my whole house in one go. And my garden decks. And my sidewalk in front. And my recently swept fireplaces. A few years ago a builder told me to buy a wet/dry industrial vac. He thought it would be a better solution. I bought an expensive one, a good make. I went through four filters the first weekend. Then it died. It didn’t last two weeks. Wicks gave me my money back. Wicks never gives anyone their money back! But even they had to admit, two weeks was not a good record.

So if I burn through them [no pun intended] so frequently, why can’t I use a cheapie machine you ask? Nooo, I’ve tried. I’ve been loaned Walmart/Asda variety machines borrowed from my neighbours when one of the above casualties was in for review. I’ve even tried a Dyson. Dyson sucks. I don’t care what their commercials say. I  No, I need one of the powerful suction expensive bad boys.  I need a suction that grabs everything on the first pass. I want to worry about it pulling at the carpet nails. I want uber suction in a vac!! Sadly, we’re talking £250 [that's nearly $400!!!] for a decent Miele. Yes, ridiculous.

The way I see it, six months with a great machine is better than years with a crappy one. But clearly the numbers don’t justify the expense. And as I’ve just killed another one this week and I’ve been informed as I receive a free replacement on the last one I killed, there will not be another replacement offered. What’s a girl to do? Sarcastic Mr. Stone says, “Take shoes off more, throw less parties.” As if.

Maybe I’ll write a letter to Miele and they’ll take pity on me. I could be their spokesman. I could!

Well, for the first six months I could be…




  1. Bea says:

    I think you should write to Miele. It is a very good make and should last you several years regardless of how you use it. I also recommend contacting trading standards. I don’t think you should buy a new one.

  2. Julia says:

    Miele machines are like fake jewels. They look bling but break easily.

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